I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think your dad took our porno
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
