she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
