who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
