Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
