You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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