I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
