I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
