me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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