i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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