ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
