I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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