...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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