using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
