Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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