I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
