she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
