He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
