What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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