Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I color on your dick again?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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