So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
