Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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