Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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