guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
