we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bring money and cleavage
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
