I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
