I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
