Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
