I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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