wrigley field is MILF paradise
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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