R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
