you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
