i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
