i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
