just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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