Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ruined the universe
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
