I'm really into asian looking animals
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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