I CAN MOONWALK!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
