I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
