i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
