I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
