Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
