ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
