lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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