Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
