it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
