On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
