I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
barbara walters just said penis...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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