quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
