I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
