eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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