it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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