just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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