Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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