you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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