just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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