I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
