he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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