I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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